RULE 1 – Boost your genital-esteem
The one thing that all women need to do in order to improve their sex lives is to know and love the way their vulva looks, smells and tastes. Begin by exploring your sex organ in a free-standing mirror with a good light using both hands. Then find your clitoris. Discover what kind of stimulation feels best and enjoy regular sessions of self-loving that take you to orgasm. This is so important because if we don’t know what we like, what makes us think our lovers will know?
DO IT TODAY: Start a love affair with your lady parts. While appreciating the view of your vulva, take some digital snapshots that you can print out yourself and keep in a scrapbook. Try different poses, pour lube over yourself for added gloss and get your hands in shot, spreading your labia for a full-on close-up. When you see how raw and erotic these images are you’ll start to appreciate the beauty between your legs. You can even share the pics with your lover as part of foreplay.
RULE 2 – Masturbate every day
The best thing you can do for your sex life is to make sure you have a daily orgasm regime. The more sex you get, the more you’ll then want, so regular masturbation actually works to boost your sex drive, and every time you have an orgasm it reinforces the sexual neural pathways in your brain, making them bigger and stronger. On top of this, regular orgasms offer a host of health benefits: your skin looks better, your mood is more positive and you release more pheromones, which makes you even more attractive to the opposite sex.
DO IT TODAY: To increase your masturbation quota, avoid monotony. Each time you have solo sex make a small change to the format: experiment with a different toy or lube, or use your usual toy in a slightly different way. For example, turn your Rabbit around so the ears buzz against your perineum instead of your clitoris, and use your fingers for clitoral stimulation at the same time. Collect masturbation tips from books and magazines to try out, and do it in different locations, such as the office or the kitchen.
RULE 3 – Tone, hone and groan
Every woman should do pelvic floor exercises. I know it sounds boring, but they really are essential. As well as keeping your vagina tight to allow maximum pleasure for both you and your partner, it builds muscle strength, which increases the intensity of orgasm – pumping your pelvic muscles regularly increases blood flow to the area and therefore makes you more easily aroused. If possible, get your man to do them regularly too as this will also result in more intense orgasms for him, as well as stronger erections and better ejaculatory control.
DO IT TODAY: Get yourself some Ben Wa Balls (R290) – sometimes known as Ming balls. Using these balls three to four times a week, starting at 20 minutes and working your way up to an hour, will tighten those muscles with the littlest effort. All you need to do is pop them in and move around. There are agitating balls inside that shake as you move. This movement causes your muscles to naturally clench and relax. Use them as you go about your daily chores – cleaning the house, walking the dog or going to the gym. As long as you’re moving, they’re working.
RULE 4 – Explore your hidden clitoris
Learn to work your clitoris from the inside as well as the outside. The clitoris is the most important pleasure point for us girls, and the latest research shows that clitoral tissue goes right inside your pelvis – you can hit it from inside through the vaginal wall and by pressing down just above your pubic mound. So, apply pressure on all three points during sex for maximum ecstasy.
DO IT TODAY: Try the ‘V’ stroke during sex. Part the index and middle finger of your dominant hand and place them pointing down either side of your clit so that they’re parting your labia, while the heel of your hand pushes down on your pubic mound. Quickly bring your hand and fingers up and down in time with your man’s thrusts, so your palm strokes over your clit then back to your pubic mound and prepare to experience a triple-impact orgasm.
RULE 5 – Share your body’s secrets
The most important thing to make your sex life the best it can be is to know your own body. What sort of touch, pressure and friction gets you off? When you know, you need to be generous with this info and do a ‘show ’n tell’ with your lover. Let him know how the sensations that work for you can be translated into sex-play with him. And, of course, ask him to share the same insider info with you about his turn-ons.
DO IT TODAY: In your game of show ’n tell, start by kissing each other the way you’d want to be kissed. Next up, masturbate in front of one another to demonstrate your favourite technique, then continue using each other’s hands: you grip his manhood, he then wraps his hand around yours to guide you; he places his fingers over your clitoris and you then move his hand as though it was your own. For oral sex, use your tongue on the palm of his hand or between two of his fingers to show him what you want; he can suck your finger to do the same. Easy – and highly erotic at the same time.
RULE 6 – Lubricate your love life
Lube is a classic bedroom essential, and it’s probably the best and most liberating sex toy in the world. There’s still an idea that lubricant is only used for vaginal dryness or anal sex, but it can enrich every sexual experience by swapping friction for flow – and it can elevate a hand-job from just alright to awe-inspiring in just a few slick strokes.
DO IT TODAY: Show your man lube’s sexy side by squeezing a water-based, flavoured lube onto your body from a height (this works particularly well in a candlelit room, where the wet lube will glisten in the light as it drips over your contours), then invite him to taste you.